My world started to shrink. I would always pick my sister up every Friday and we would go grocery shopping. She couldn't drive at this time. But now I would go into the store and everything bothered me. The lights were too bright, and the noise was magnified. The noise of the carts going up and down and in and out was so loud. The doors closing and opening was deafening. Shopping was out for me. Frankie began going shopping with my sister every Friday, for the next five years. This drove me into a feeling of helplessness. Driving was also over. Sitting in a car with someone else driving was just as bad. I had loved driving so this was hard to take. When we would go down to Spring Valley I had to pray all the way down and all the way back, it was the only way I could get there. While there, I drank to be able to stay there. That part was kind of easy because my uncle Joe liked to drink and my husband liked to drink, so I fit right in. Except if it was ten o'clock in the morning my uncle frowned on that. I really don't like drinking, I just like the relaxed feeling I get from it. We would drink and play cards and smoke most of the night.
I functioned as a wife and mother in most of my everyday life. I kept the house clean, the kids were taken care of and the meals were cooked. Before all of this happened I was taking Robyn to ballet lessons but I had to take her out of the classes, because I could no longer drive her there. It was things like that, that made me depressed. My neighbor lived about one hundred feet from my back door and I couldn't even walk that distance to talk to her, it was too far. She had five kids and thankfully didn't have time to talk to me anyway. I couldn't walk half a block from my house. The minute I got from the safety of my house I got dizzy and shaky. When in the house I couldn't take the kids being around me as that would set me into a fit. All of this was very hard to explain. My illness was all I could think about or talk about until my relatives started to get tired of hearing it. They suggested everything under the sun but to no avail. I knew they didn't have a clue to what was going on with me. Frankie didn't know either. He tried but there was no reason for any of this, so it was finally chalked up to some sort of mental condition. I believed it too.
This was taken from my book. "My Silent Disability" it can be bought at Amazon.
I functioned as a wife and mother in most of my everyday life. I kept the house clean, the kids were taken care of and the meals were cooked. Before all of this happened I was taking Robyn to ballet lessons but I had to take her out of the classes, because I could no longer drive her there. It was things like that, that made me depressed. My neighbor lived about one hundred feet from my back door and I couldn't even walk that distance to talk to her, it was too far. She had five kids and thankfully didn't have time to talk to me anyway. I couldn't walk half a block from my house. The minute I got from the safety of my house I got dizzy and shaky. When in the house I couldn't take the kids being around me as that would set me into a fit. All of this was very hard to explain. My illness was all I could think about or talk about until my relatives started to get tired of hearing it. They suggested everything under the sun but to no avail. I knew they didn't have a clue to what was going on with me. Frankie didn't know either. He tried but there was no reason for any of this, so it was finally chalked up to some sort of mental condition. I believed it too.
This was taken from my book. "My Silent Disability" it can be bought at Amazon.
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